Ey, you grease-stained gamblers — the loaf is back, but the pros sat this dance. Six campus cuts, zero NFL, call it Week 0. Death Valley, a Nashville kickoff, Doak on Monday. Lines as sliced Friday; they moved. Card closed 3-2-1.
Week 0 scorecard
Pro: 0-0 · College: 3-2-1 · Overall: 3-2-1
Season to date: 3-2-1
Saturday
Three cuts while the grill's still lighting.
| Matchup | Spread Shenanigans | Hoagie Howl |
|---|---|---|
| Baylor vs Auburn (Atlanta · Auburn −7.5) |
Take Baylor! | Neutral roof in Atlanta and they're handing Auburn a touchdown. That's extra mayo on a dry roll. Take the Bears and the points. W — Auburn 17, Baylor 16. |
| Tulane @ Duke (Duke −7.5) |
Take Tulane! | Duke's breaking in a transfer QB and still wants a touchdown at home. That's a deluxe for a Week 0 sandwich. Take the Wave and the points. L — Duke 17, Tulane 3. |
| Clemson @ LSU (LSU −10.5) |
Take LSU! | Saturday night in Death Valley, Kiffin's kitchen, double digits. September visitors get eaten. Take the home Tigers — the other Tigers can howl on the bus. W — LSU 51, Clemson 10. |
Nightcap & leftovers
Berkeley late, Nashville Sunday, Doak on Monday.
| Matchup | Spread Shenanigans | Hoagie Howl |
|---|---|---|
| UCLA @ California (UCLA −1.5) |
Take Cal! | Berkeley after dark and they're laying a field goal on a rivalry that never asked for a favorite. Take the Bears and the points. L — UCLA 45, Cal 24. |
| Louisville vs Ole Miss (Nashville · Ole Miss −6.5) |
Take Louisville! | Neutral Nashville, new Rebels coach, and a touchdown on a Top-25 card. Brohm's been the underdog chef before. Take the Cards and the points. W — Ole Miss 41, Louisville 38. |
| SMU @ Florida State (SMU −3) |
Take Florida State! | Nobody lays three at Doak on Labor Day unless they enjoy extra vinegar. Take the Noles and the points — the house still has teeth. P — SMU 27, FSU 24. |
That's the six-pack — Week 0 in the books. 3-2-1. Hoagie out.