Yo, you sad-sack bettors, grab a six-pack—you're gonna need it for the Hoagie's Week 2 picks! Last week was a dumpster fire: Pro Football went 0-3, College Football scraped by at 2-1, leaving me with a pathetic 2-4 overall. My crystal sub roll's still hazy, so I'm chucking darts and raiding the pickle barrel again. These weekend locks come with a side of sarcasm—prediction model is coming, but for now, chug and pray!
Week 1 Scorecard
Pro Football: 0-3 | College Football: 2-1 | Overall: 2-4. Ouch, time to crack open that sixer!
Pro Football
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New York G-Men @ Dallas (Dal -5.5): Dallas
Capsule: The G-Men are a mess—Dallas'll feast like a Thanksgiving sub. Dart hit this, so don't cry when it's a blowout!
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Denver @ Indianapolis (Den -1.5): Indy
Capsule: I must've chugged too much pickle juice—trusting Daniel Jones again? Indy's home turf might save us, but Denver's Mile High flop seals it. Sip that sixer and pray, suckers!
College Football
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Wisconsin @ Alabama (Bama -21): Bama
Capsule: Wisky's toast—Bama's gonna roll like a tidal wave. Dart board loves this spread, chug through the pain!
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Georgia @ Tennessee (Georgia -4): Tenny
Capsule: The Dawgs think they're tough, but Tenny's a scrappy home dog—moonshine might've pickled this call! Crack a cold one and belt Rocky Top!
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Pitt @ WVU (Pitt -7.5): WVU - Known as the Backyard Brawl
Capsule: Backyard Brawl's a slugfest—WVU's scrappy. Dart landed here, so toast to chaos!
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Arkansas @ Mississippi (Ole Miss -6.5): Arky
Capsule: Ole Miss is flashy, but Arky's got grit. Pickle barrel gem—sip and smirk if it works!
These picks are Week 2 nonsense—my 2-4 record proves it. Bet at your own risk, you six-pack-chugging suckers!